When a Christian Struggles With Depression

When a Christian Struggles With Depression

July 25

I’ve written about it before, but July has kind of a stigma for me.  For the past decade-ish if negative things are going to happen to or around me, they happen in July.  It has caused me to go into metaphorical ostrich mode and just try to power through July until August 1 hits.

Last year on July 25 - well it was a really awful evening.  I don’t like to think about it actually.  But flash forward a year, and I actually had a really great day today.  I received some great feedback that I didn’t expect and I was simply shocked by it.

July still isn’t done, but what a difference a year makes.

erikamegan365:

July 3, 2013 • Megan

erikamegan365:

July 3, 2013 • Megan

1•8•6 July 4, 2012 (by mrbosslady)
Today didn’t start out great for me.  I don’t know what I was dreaming about but I woke up stressed.  Stressed because it’s July and stressed because I really am at the point that I need a paycheck to start coming in or not great things are going to start to happen.
That’s not a good way to start the day.  But the day got better.
I cuddled with my nephew.  I hung with my family.  I walked around Downtown Fullerton and when Jonathon and I settled into Fullerton high’s football field for the eventual fireworks show we slowly but surely were joined by a bunch of friends from Rock Harbor Fullerton.  It was completely unplanned, but we swelled from two people and a blanket to over 20 and chairs, blankets and lots of laughter.
I still need a paycheck.  I still have the same problems I had in the morning.  But my stress is leaving.
God will provide.

1•8•6 July 4, 2012 (by mrbosslady)

Today didn’t start out great for me.  I don’t know what I was dreaming about but I woke up stressed.  Stressed because it’s July and stressed because I really am at the point that I need a paycheck to start coming in or not great things are going to start to happen.

That’s not a good way to start the day.  But the day got better.

I cuddled with my nephew.  I hung with my family.  I walked around Downtown Fullerton and when Jonathon and I settled into Fullerton high’s football field for the eventual fireworks show we slowly but surely were joined by a bunch of friends from Rock Harbor Fullerton.  It was completely unplanned, but we swelled from two people and a blanket to over 20 and chairs, blankets and lots of laughter.

I still need a paycheck.  I still have the same problems I had in the morning.  But my stress is leaving.

God will provide.

1•8•4 July 3, 2012 (by mrbosslady)
July 3 is not a great day.  In fact, the whole month of July is kind of wretched for me and it all started seven years ago.  I almost lost a brother on July 3, which then led to another horrible revelation and rift in out relationship. But that wasn’t so bad.  It didn’t ruin July for me.
And then July 3 came around the next year and my younger brother almost died.  He spent two weeks in the hospital, and I was with him every day, and then almost a year recovering.
That’s when I really began to dislike that week in July.  Starting on the 3rd my whole psyche would clench and I couldn’t unwind, petrified something would happen.
I worked really hard to try and make July something that didn’t stress me out any more.  But the stress, the fear persisted for awhile.
The feelings were beginning to fade a bit until 2010.  My older brother, the one who almost died first, was undergoing some ongoing health issues.  Our relationship had never quite recovered, but I was trying.  I thought things were looking up.  And we were almost out of July - when he suddenly slammed the whole family with news.  News that he had betrayed us, lied to us and generally slapped us all in the face.
I’m going to be honest.  I broke a little.  For the first time I truly experienced rock bottom - or at least what it meant for me at that time.  But July, the whole month, was really poisoned for me then.  Not just the beginning, but the whole month.  July 27, 2010 clenched it.  I haven’t been able to turn back since.  But I’m still trying, even now, to redeem July and hope something truly wonderful will happen that begins to counter all the memories of the pain with the memories of good.
The one bright spot I always had in July, even with all the pain, was San Diego Comic-Con.  I loved going there, once a year and feeling like I did have a corner in the world - town where everyone was like me.  It helped.  But this year I don’t have that.  I can’t go.  I don’t have tickets and couldn’t afford it any way.
So yesterday I went to San Diego to try to get through July 3 and I decided to make a wish.  It’s more of a promise and a prayer than a wish, but I made it.  And I can only hope that God will be faithful and one day I will love the month of July again.

1•8•4 July 3, 2012 (by mrbosslady)

July 3 is not a great day.  In fact, the whole month of July is kind of wretched for me and it all started seven years ago.  I almost lost a brother on July 3, which then led to another horrible revelation and rift in out relationship. But that wasn’t so bad.  It didn’t ruin July for me.

And then July 3 came around the next year and my younger brother almost died.  He spent two weeks in the hospital, and I was with him every day, and then almost a year recovering.

That’s when I really began to dislike that week in July.  Starting on the 3rd my whole psyche would clench and I couldn’t unwind, petrified something would happen.

I worked really hard to try and make July something that didn’t stress me out any more.  But the stress, the fear persisted for awhile.

The feelings were beginning to fade a bit until 2010.  My older brother, the one who almost died first, was undergoing some ongoing health issues.  Our relationship had never quite recovered, but I was trying.  I thought things were looking up.  And we were almost out of July - when he suddenly slammed the whole family with news.  News that he had betrayed us, lied to us and generally slapped us all in the face.

I’m going to be honest.  I broke a little.  For the first time I truly experienced rock bottom - or at least what it meant for me at that time.  But July, the whole month, was really poisoned for me then.  Not just the beginning, but the whole month.  July 27, 2010 clenched it.  I haven’t been able to turn back since.  But I’m still trying, even now, to redeem July and hope something truly wonderful will happen that begins to counter all the memories of the pain with the memories of good.

The one bright spot I always had in July, even with all the pain, was San Diego Comic-Con.  I loved going there, once a year and feeling like I did have a corner in the world - town where everyone was like me.  It helped.  But this year I don’t have that.  I can’t go.  I don’t have tickets and couldn’t afford it any way.

So yesterday I went to San Diego to try to get through July 3 and I decided to make a wish.  It’s more of a promise and a prayer than a wish, but I made it.  And I can only hope that God will be faithful and one day I will love the month of July again.

The Last Crusade • San Diego Comic Con 2011
I think my favorite touch is the umbrella tucked into the briefcase.  So Henry Jones.

The Last Crusade • San Diego Comic Con 2011

I think my favorite touch is the umbrella tucked into the briefcase.  So Henry Jones.

I spotted these guys right away as what they are - two dudes in costumes.  I think this surprised them.  What they were actually doing was posing with some replica costumes in the hopes that when certain lovely ladies wandered by they would scare them.  It really threw them when I started talking to them before they scared me.  They did however get Stefanie.

I spotted these guys right away as what they are - two dudes in costumes.  I think this surprised them.  What they were actually doing was posing with some replica costumes in the hopes that when certain lovely ladies wandered by they would scare them.  It really threw them when I started talking to them before they scared me.  They did however get Stefanie.

Duel of the Fates • SDCC, 2011

Duel of the Fates • SDCC, 2011

Chewbacca & The Walking Dead • San Diego Comic-Con, 2011

Chewbacca & The Walking Dead • San Diego Comic-Con, 2011

Spielberg receiving his Inkpot award for contributions to pop culture, SDCC 2011.
I will never tire of remembering that I have now seen Spielberg in person.  Next step, meeting him.

Spielberg receiving his Inkpot award for contributions to pop culture, SDCC 2011.

I will never tire of remembering that I have now seen Spielberg in person.  Next step, meeting him.